November 2017

Seven Alternatives to No-Shave November

No-pave November
Students abstain from paving any new roads on Duke’s campus, a ritual that students have called “cleansing” and “absolutely necessary after half a semester of non-stop paving.”

No-slave November
This one is popular among some of the religious groups on campus. From Leviticus 25:9-10: “On the Day of Atonement you shall sound the trumpet throughout all your land. You shall make the fiftieth year holy, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants.” On November 1, students will drop their S’well water bottles in a big lecture and release all their indentured servants for the month.

No-lathe November
Engineers will abstain from using lathes and instead find other ways to rotate their workplaces about an axis in order to perform difficult mechanical tasks. Tough one.

No-Dave November:
Students will stop talking to their friend Dave for a month. This is a great way to put all of the Daves on campus in their right place and show them who really runs things around here. By the time December comes around, the campus community of Daves will have had time to come closer together, and all your Dave friends will be more than happy to have you back. Studies have shown that Dave/non-Dave relationships on average improve back to their pre-November levels by no later than the beginning of spring semester.

No-save November

As part of this longstanding tradition, students and faculty across campus leave their faucets and lights on, throw their trash and recycling into the wrong bins, ride the bus for no reason, litter on the quad, and generally fuck shit up for the entire month. Some have argued that this tradition should be dropped in light of recent climate science research.

No-Flav November
Students will abstain from listening to 90s hip-hop, watching VH1, saying “Yeaaaahhhhh Boy” out loud, and especially wearing clocks as necklaces.

No-blade November
This is the same as no-shave November, but it’s not for awareness or charity.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *