November 2017

Holiday Clapbacks to Invasive Parents

Going home for the holidays? Consider these responses to your extended family’s loving questions over Christmas break.

Have you secured an internship for this summer yet?
        Have you secured a retirement plan yet?

Where’s the rest of your skirt?
        Where’s the rest of your teeth?

You need to raise that GPA
        You need to raise that hand before you speak to me.

You’re already on your second plate?
        You’re already on your third child?

You’re not going easy on that pumpkin pie, now, are you?
        I’m not going easy on you either (said while smashing said pie in relative’s face.)

You’ve gotten so tall!
        Now I can both literally and figuratively look down on you. :))

What did you make this year for dinner?
        I made a scene, and a name for myself. Also I made it. I’m here.

You look tired!
        Just tired of late stage capitalism. And all of your questions.

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