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January 2022

Duke Announces New Sociological Study that Studies Sociology Students

“We live in a society, right? That’s an undeniable fact. So what better way to study the effects of social interaction than to study the very people who study the effects of social interaction on people?” explained the leading Studier of Undergraduate Studies (SUS) at the Department Of Sociology, Professor Suzie Awlogie. “We believe that the particular way in which sociology majors forge relationships and create communities can give us very insightful insight into how they go about studying how humanity as a whole creates relationships and forges communities.”

Gathering the opinions of the actual students being studied was more difficult for us here at Department Of. Many would explain that they couldn’t talk to us, since they had likely signed NDAs, or Never Discuss Academia contracts. Others would simply walk past us, probably mistaking us for actual journalists, unlike the Chronicle. The vast majority, however, would ask us in confusion, “You guys are with Duke Department Of? Department Of what?” These students clearly didn’t get the joke.

One student, however, chimed in with his take on the study: “I strongly agree with the perspective that society is a social construct.” He added, “This will be on the record, correct?”

Duke plans to continue this introspective look into its own academic departments, according to Chairman of the Vice Provost of the Office of Student Affairs, Activities, and Happenings Dr. Dean. In fact, the office plans to conduct a new departmental analysis every month, so you can be sure that Duke takes its self-examination very seriously.

Next month, we were told, researchers will tackle the Duke Department Of .

 

No, that wasn’t a typo. That was the joke.

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