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January 2022

Bridget Dillay’s Diary

WRITTEN RESPONSE DUE: 12:00 NOON

8:00 pm – Done with dinner. Must begin working on written response.

8:01 pm – Written response prompt is completely ludicrous. Asked to make an argument about who the main character is in Jane Eyre.

8:03 pm – Cannot face prospect of writing such utter nonsense. Will go to friends to complain about it.

10:37 pm – Just back from Michael’s room. Michael agrees that assignment is ridiculous. We watched The Princess Bride to remind ourselves that true art still exists and not all the world has lowered its standards to testing if students can recognize that the main character of Jane Eyre, narrated by Jane Eyre, is Jane Eyre.

10:45 pm – Have begun to write. Have a total of 13 words thus far:

The main character of Jane Eyre is Jane Eyre. This is clear because

11:45 pm – Have added the word “of” to the end.

11:47 pm – Have had breathtaking revelation. The main character of a piece is not necessarily the narrator or titular character (see The Giver, The Book Thief, and any dystopian book that pretends to be edgy) and thus reasonably interesting argument may be made on subject. Also, Jane Eyre is really about Mr. Rochester.

11:48 pm – No, no, no, no, no. To say Jane Eyre about Mr. Rochester is to undermine entire feminist message. Jane Eyre is clearly about Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre is only character present throughout Jane Eyre. All decisions from perspective of Jane Eyre and made to preserve “laws and principles” of Jane Eyre.

11:49 pm – What about Bertha Mason?

12:03 pm – Beginning thorough search of literature on role of Bertha Mason in Jane Eyre. 10,589 results.

1:32 am – Have read parts of 6 papers. Most interesting topic of scholarship.

1:33 am – Oh no. Have recalled written response. And asked for extension. Again.

2:07 am – Have finished and submitted written response. Is just as terrible and trite as prompt and explains that Jane Eyre is main character with passable amount of supporting argument and evidence. Now back to Bertha Mason question. Maybe final paper can be written on this.

3:56 am – Have thoroughly read 2 papers. Compiling bibliography (32 texts thus far). May have to switch grad school plans. This could be a good thesis topic.

4:01 am – Googling grad schools in literary criticism. Duke first on list. Wonderful. Perhaps I can just stay here and hope no one notices.

4:12 am – Good night.

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