February 2022

K-Ville Confidential

Tenting is over, the game of the season is almost here, and Department Of has a new list for you! Welcome to K-Ville Confidential – the things people do in their tents and never tell you about. Department Of was able to obtain this information via extensive undercover reporting direct from K-Ville (meaning that we’re tent #69). We used an extremely high level of journalistic integrity – the level you’ve come to expect from a website that triggers a security warning if you try to view it from a mobile device.

Six things people do in their tent and never tell you about:

  • A party full of seniors took place in one tent! That’s right, 12 Duke alumni from the classes of 1970 to 1980, decided to take over one of the tents at K-Ville for the day, courtesy of the Durham Center of Senior Life. The seniors were observed playing bridge and cribbage, comparing recipes, and sharing photos of their grandchildren, some of whom are now Duke students themselves.
  • One tent’s interior is entirely full of papier-mâché statues based on Edvard Munch’s The Scream. No member of the tenting group is ever in the tent, but rumors speculate that when tent checks are called, the papier-mâché statues come to life, check in with the line monitors, and then go back to sleep in the tent, where they await the next bell toll, the next siren, undisturbed by other signs of life. Department Of projects that the group will gain access to the Duke-UNC game.
  • The northernmost tent will forge Canadian visas for a small fee so students can raid RJ Barrett’s house.
  • Got milk? Yeah, you do. But have you got the purest milk in all of North Carolina? Durham’s finest milk speakeasy is right here in K-Ville and if one drinks it, their presence will immediately intimidate their enemy – pure sigma culture. Go to the tent with the cardboard cow on top and use the secret passphrase “Pasture, not Pasteur” to be let into a whole new world of dairy.
  • A local fraternity is making new records by setting to create the largest White Claw tower. They’ve consumed approximately 500 white claws to date and their tower stands at an outstanding 4 x 4 x 30. And be careful – they will kill you if you topple it over.
  • Some tenters have been known to use the privacy of the tent to do some very naughty things. That’s right, it’s the s word: submit transfer applications to UNC (because they’ve had enough of the chem department). After all, what kind of college makes you pay for dorms and then compete for the privilege of not sleeping in them?

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