April Fools 2022

The Second Floor of Marketplace Does Not Exist

Do you have faint memories of sometimes studying above the main floor of Marketplace? Or going to a random event with free food or merch above the main dining area? Perhaps you recall it smelling like shit at times? Well, neither do we. Because the investigative team at Department Of has come to find out that there is no floor above the main floor of Marketplace, otherwise known as East Union, otherwise known as MP, otherwise known as “damn this tasted better freshman year.”

Marketplace has two floors, yes. But these floors consist only of the floor you enter on – with its delicious, authentic Italian pizza, its crisp, crunchy salad bar, and its scrumptious, definitely not sus orange chicken – and the floor below it with Trinity Café (where the bums who use equivalency go scavenge for food).

Wait! Why is Marketplace so tall then, you might rightfully ask? Well, we counter your question with another question: What would it have been like to get your back blown out by Washington Duke? Exactly, we don’t know.

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