When he came in, we asked Ibby, “how are you doing,” he responded, “I think you’re hated more than us, as the YT candidates right now.” We told him this was just gonna be fun, he replied, “I don’t think my occasions with you have ever been fun.”
These real quotes from the real Ibrahim Butt.
DO: FMK: Tim Cook, Adam Silver, President Price?
IB: I have to remember what they look like… Marry Tim Cook, easy. He’s probably like super nice. Adam Silver has also been super nice to me. So I’m gonna say, fuck Adam Silver, marry Tim Cook, unfortunately kill President Price.
DO: It is what it is.
IB: It is what it is.
DO: What’s your moon rising? (Department Of would like to recognize “moon rising” is not an actual astrological concept)
IB: I know I’m a Cancer, but beyond that I don’t know. My mom is very Muslim, she thinks that’s kind of like devil worship, so we don’t really do that.
DO: Can you do any TikTok dances?
IB: The uh-na-na-na one, kind of.
DO: What’s your worst personality trait?
IB: Sometimes I think I can be too sarcastic in situations that are quiet. In the States, I’ve realized that people kind of need emotional depth, so I’ve been working on that.
DO: Do you have any ethical qualms about having someone from McKinsey on your campaign?
IB: No, not really.
DO: When you’re on the Board, which member of the Board of Trustees are you going to make your best friend?
IB: Janet Hill, because we already sit on the same committee together. She’s just been so welcoming and so nice to me. Some board members won’t remember your name, but she always remembers my name and tries to sit next to me in the meetings. And even when a big conversation is happening she’ll make a snide comment to me on the side. She’s just been really fun on the board and I want to continue that friendship.
DO: Of every group on campus, which group would be your least favorite endorsement, as in whose endorsement would you reject?
IB: The Chronicle Ed Board. If they ever did an endorsement, I would reject them.
DO: If you were ever in the news for a scandal, what would the scandal be?
IB: Money laundering? No, I’m trustworthy, I’m a trustee.
DO: A banana in a Miami art exhibit this year went for $120,000. What fruit would you spend $120,000 on?
IB: I would donate $120,000 to Duke if they just got better pineapple on this campus. The pineapple here is sour, it is wrong, it’s a disgrace to pineapples everywhere.
DO: Hypothetically, one of your quotes made it onto Overheard at K-Ville? What did you say?
IB: It would probably be a rousing speech to overthrow the line monitors. “The proletariat must rise, we must take their bull-horn and kill them with it,” or something like that. “Imagine a world without a tent check. Their blood will be on our hands.” Something like that.
DO: Who is Duke’s parasite?
IB: Il Forno Pasta. I hate Il Forno Pasta. Or Skillet’s fried chicken. Or actually Il Forno pasta, I hate Il Forno Pasta. I actually think it’s kind of a disgrace of what pasta should be. The Italians must be rolling in their graves.
DO: What would be on your ideal tombstone epitaph?
IB: Because my second name is “Butt,” probably like “Big Butt Remix,” like “Big Booty Remix,” yeah let’s go with that, “Big Booty Remix 2000.”
DO: What would you say to the YT committee as you leave on your last day?
IB: Peace out homies, it’s been real.
DO: Would you drop Cooper if it meant you’d win this election?
IB: I don’t think I would drop it just to win this election. I’d drop it to win other stuff, though.
DO: Describe yourself in 50 characters.
IB: A hard working British kid that didn’t come from much but really enjoys being at this university. (97 characters)
DO: What’s your best party trick?
IB: I can have a drunken energy when just drinking Gatorade.
DO: Ebola or Coronavirus?
DO: Baby Yoda or Baby Groot?
IB: Baby Yoda.
DO: Bed or Breakfast?
DO: Chicken or Waffles?
DO: Top or bottom bunk?
DO: McKinsey or Deloitte?
DO: Favorite WU spot?
DO: Favorite snack?
IB: Il Forno Cookie.
DO: Do you love me?