Tips for Becoming a Campus Celebrity

  • Anonymously contribute to a fledgling campus publication.

  • Post on the Duke Class of 2019 group with incredible frequency. Five times a day should do the trick. Warning: this may also lead to your being completely ostracized.
  • Write an inflammatory column in The Duke Chronicle.
  • Run for DSG. Leave no profile picture unchanged and no bus stop unflyered.
  • Be a championship-winning student athlete. Championship must be in men’s basketball.
  • We were going to include a line in here about how being a member of The Pitchforks makes you a temporary campus celebrity, but we didn’t want to give them the satisfaction.
  • Willingly star in a film that depicts sexual acts.
  • Force sexual acts upon an unwilling victim. Wait, this isn’t one of them? People don’t know who– are you kidding? Shit, never mind.

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