36 I Ask Myself to Fall in Love with Anyone

1. Does his backpack say swim and dive? ‘Cause his ass sure does…

2. How long can I follow him before he notices?

3. What if he’s walking to Edens?

4. Is he worth stalking if he lives in Edens? That’s such a fucking trek… but that ass…

5. What if he turns around and sees me?

6. Why didn’t I wear real clothes today?

7. Why did I eat Panda Express today?

8. Have I been following him too long? Shit, I’m gonna be so late for class.

9. Oh no. Ohhh no. Who is she?

10. Is that his girlfriend?

11. Goddammit why is she so pretty?

12. Did she just come from HIIT? Probably. Ugh.

13. Wait… maybe there’s hope…they’re probably just hooking up. I bet he’s tired of her.

14. Fuck me, when’s the last time I went to the gym?

15. Oh, thank God, she’s walking away. But where’s he headed?

16. Multi?

17. Bio?

18. Chem?

19. Why am I assuming he’s pre-med?

20. Do I really want to start something with someone who’s pre-med? They’re always so stressed…

21. Will he even have time for me?

22. How much does he have in loans already?

23. Will we be able to afford his med school and my law school?

24. Does he want kids? I bet he wants kids. He’ll be such a great dad.

25. Oh no. What if he gets a dad bod?

26. Will I still love him?

27. Am I that shallow?

28. Wait, did he just see me?

29. Oh, shit. He did. He definitely knows I’m in love with him. Where can I casually hide?

30. Do I want him to know I’m in love with him?

31. Why wait until he has a dad bod? I should confess now, while he’s hot and muscly and unjaded by med school.

32. What’s his name? I bet it’s something hot that my mom will approve of. Something exotic that could pass for Irish-Catholic.

33. What if his parents don’t like me?

34. No, that’s ridiculous. Of course they’ll love me because I love their son as deeply as they do. Don’t we all just want him to be happy?

35. Seriously, where the fuck is he going?

36. Oh. He’s running. He’s literally running away now. But who’s that guy over there?

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