Before we start, we’d like to give a big shout out to SymMon for being a snitch.
Here is what you can look forward to during your stay at The Lodge, better known as the isolation hotel:
- The snack pantry/food stock is insane and will give you that other “Covid-19” if you’re not careful. Try not to make too much microwave pad thai and oatmeal.
- There is a bit of trash in the hallways, but don’t be alarmed because there are also only tiny trash bins in the rooms, so basically there is trash everywhere. Enjoy your stay!
- People will try to convince you that the meal service is good. Well. It’s not. And you’ll try to enjoy it, thinking, at least it’s not NYU! That is, until you open your little plastic container and see your mashed potatoes floating in an inch of condensation water. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
- There are very fancy waters, so drink up because there is literally nothing else to do. Also don’t feel bad if you steal a few on your way out…we definitely did.
- The people you will meet are unwell. They have been locked up for days, maybe even weeks, so act with caution. You never know what they might do…
- The walls are paper-thin, so don’t even think about talking shit over Facetime about the delusional people you meet. THEY WILL HEAR YOU. Also, don’t cry, or watch tv, or cough, or – actually, just don’t do anything because THEY WILL HEAR YOU.
- Try not to have too much fun when your smoke detector starts beeping about having a low battery at 4 am, or when you have to call the front desk to ask for a replacement three hours later, or when you’re using WikiHow to figure out how to change the battery, or when you realize they gave you the wrong battery and you find yourself asking your private story what you did to deserve such bad karma.
- Zooming into your in-person classes isn’t so embarrassing until weeks later when you realize that you were *not* displayed on your prof’s laptop like you thought you would be, but instead, had been pictured on a sizable flat-screen TV, enlarged to 5x the size of an average person.
- Speaking of TVs, yes, your room will have one….but guess what? There are only 6 channels. And one of them is Fox News.
- The microwaves are in foreign languages?? One of our microwaves was in Spanish, and the other’s was in French. “Why?” You might ask. “No sé” we will answer. All we can say is kudos to Duke for extending their international reach.
- The isolation care team ladies will become your new besties after offering to buy you pizza bagels to make you feel more at home. Also, they will check on you to make sure you’ve been eating. As if you could resist the Velvita microwave mac’ n cheese.