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Duke Tinder

The Bro
The Bro
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Networking

What I Say in Networking Sessions and Interviews:

What I Mean in Networking Sessions and Interviews:

“I’m fascinated by the dynamic nature of interdisciplinary pursuits.”

“I went to the Career Center once to use the bathroom.”

“I’m an avid reader. I just finished Infinite Jest, and I really find that its effulgence is undermined by its tedium.”

“I have heard of Infinite Jest.”

“I’m great with people. I excel at engaging people in conversation.”

“I am having trouble engaging in this conversation.”

“I have expert knowledge with Excel.”

“I’m 20 years old and I possess a computer.”

“I have expert knowledge of social media.”

“I’m 20 years old and I possess a computer and 924 fake friends.”

“His values and mine don’t align, but I was able to overcome our differences and move forward with our goal.”

“He peed on the floor of our common room and I had to clean it up.”

“I’m familiar with the typical college social scene and have no problem navigating it.”

“I have consumed Aristokrat vodka while sitting on the floor of a taxi.”

“One of my peers…”

“Someone whose tongue has been in my mouth.”

“One of my co-workers…”

“Someone I met at this event ten minutes ago.”

“One of my co-peers…”

“I have been drinking.”

“My professional experience is comprehensive and transcendent.”

“I have a LinkedIn.”

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36 I Ask Myself to Fall in Love with Anyone

1. Does his backpack say swim and dive? ‘Cause his ass sure does…

2. How long can I follow him before he notices?

3. What if he’s walking to Edens?

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A Confirmation Email

Dear Duke Freshman,

Thank you for choosing Delta!

Ready for your upcoming flight? You can save time and check in online! That way, you’ll avoid reconfirming your flights in person. You’ll be doing enough in- person greeting with students, RAs, people in Whole Foods that you mistake for students, frenzied squirrels, and various other groups of total strangers.