I give up – no one wants to be my friend. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I try to interact with people in the common room and no matter what I do get smacked. I scurry as fast as I can to greet them with a smile? Smacked. I make cute chirping noises? Definitely smacked. Sitting still in the corner? Believe it or not, I get smacked.
CarlRoach told me I’m a weirdo, but I don’t think there’s anything strange about a sentient beetle trying to bond with undergraduates. I just want to have someone I can lurk in shower drains with, you know? Someone who wants to dart between rickety desks with me. I really don’t think we’re so different. They do ab workouts, and I have an abdomen. They tent, and I live and sleep unprotected from the elements at the mercy of random sophomores. They eat at Grace’s, and I eat garbage.