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Loaned and Lost

O, all these things
I’ve loaned and lost;
Borrowed them out
At such a cumulative cost

Thenceforth absent,
Never forgotten.
Leased to be lifted;
Left heartbroken

That pencil I gave to the
Cute neighbor in class,
O, and the ten others
To others who lacked

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Global Health Email Update

From: dukeglohealth@gmail.com

To: Everyone who was within a five mile radius of the Activities Fair

Global Health Weekly Newsletter

Hey guys!

Here’s the weekly newsletter of Duke’s premiere global health club, “Blue Devils That Care About Global Health Around The Globe For Sick People” (or “BDTCAGHATGFSP” for short).

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The Diary of a Craven Cockroach

Dear diary,

I give up – no one wants to be my friend. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I try to interact with people in the common room and no matter what I do get smacked. I scurry as fast as I can to greet them with a smile? Smacked. I make cute chirping noises? Definitely smacked. Sitting still in the corner? Believe it or not, I get smacked.

CarlRoach told me I’m a weirdo, but I don’t think there’s anything strange about a sentient beetle trying to bond with undergraduates. I just want to have someone I can lurk in shower drains with, you know? Someone who wants to dart between rickety desks with me. I really don’t think we’re so different. They do ab workouts, and I have an abdomen. They tent, and I live and sleep unprotected from the elements at the mercy of random sophomores. They eat at Grace’s, and I eat garbage.

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Halloween Burn Book

We made burn books. They’re in the BC, Bella Union, the Marketplace, Perkins, and random scattered pockets throughout campus. We put a lot of time and ePrint money into them, so please go read one.

Halloween Burn Book

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Duke Store Halloween Sale

Are you ready to conform to Duke’s social expectations of fashion, school spirit, and expensive sweaters? Then today is your lucky day. Today only, our clothing items will be just a little bit less overpriced. That’s right: we are offering 16% off store-wide to celebrate October 16th!

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Yesterday’s History, Tomorrow’s a Mystery

Typical web history while researching for a biology project:

 

9:02 PM list of endangered species – Google Search | www.google.com

9:02 PM Species List | Endangered, Vulnerable, and Threatened Animals – WWF | www.worldwildlife.org

9:06 PM polar bear – Google search | www.google.com

9:07 PM Should the Polar Bear Still Sell Coca-Cola? – The New Yorker | www.newyorker.com

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New Construction

Dear President Brodhead,

It is crucial that we build a giant glass box around the chapel. Let me explain.

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Crocs: Not just for nurses and toddlers who don’t know how shoelaces work

You’ve seen her on the C1. You’ve seen her on the Shooters dance floor. You’ve probably Yakked about her. We sat down with the Duke Croc Girl to see what makes the legend tick.

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Me Too Monologue by Sterling Woobish II

I wish I could just feel normal.

I wish I didn’t feel inadequate.

I wish I could just want the same things as everyone else.

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Halloween Costumes for You and Your Loved One(s), Pt. 2

1. You, Mr. Steal Your Girl, and Your Girl

2. Alice Walker Texas Ranger