DDO Issues March 2019

Duke Admin Meeting

I forced a bot to become Duke President, sit-in on over 1,000 meetings with Duke administration and then asked it to write a meeting transcription of its own.  Here is the first page.

Sally Kornbluth: Dear Colleagues, I am Provost!

A. Eugene Washington: I have many jobs.  We should give many jobs. I am Chancellor of Health, Duke University.

Tallman Trask 3: *visibly sweating* Good idea A. Eugene

Robot: We should try gathering the freshmen again for a fair.  That way we study them for data.

A. Eugene Washington: Sounds like jobs to me!  Hospitals could use more data jobs.

Tallman Trask 3: *single drop of sweat rushes down neck*

Richard Riddell: Let me check with my trusted advisor, Adam Silver, to see if that is okay.  Sally, do you palooz?

Sally Kornbluth: Am I a provost?  Of course!

Tallman Trask 3: Let’s look at the money.  We have a lot.

*student walks in*

Student: Is this the classical studies department?

Ensemble (but disorganized response): no, this is Provost


Chancellor of Health, Duke University

I agree


*student leafs*

Robot (now going by Palooz): we have enough money in the budget to Palooz.  And grass.

Sally Kornbluth: Grass is very important to this Provost and students

Richard Riddell: Adam Silver believes that we should try saving money for students

A. Eugene Washington: The hospital could use more data.

Tallman Trask 3: The hospital could definitely use more data.

Palooz: Data sounds nice.

*Chorus of Vice Provosts Enter Office*

Chorus: We want, Demands.

Palooz: Demands granted!

*Chorus exits, Gary Bennett, Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education, stays behind*

Gary Bennett, Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education, stays behind:


This Week’s Top 5 Events & Deadlines

TUE 3/19 – Christchurch Vigil on Abele Quad

In light of the recent terror attacks on two mosques in New Zealand, the Duke Muslim Students Association will hold a vigil to honor the victims. In front of Chapel. 7 PM.

TUE 3/19 – Duke Chorale Spring Concert

The Duke Chorale student chorus returns to campus following its spring concert tour to California. The group will perform a diverse selection in a free concert. Baldwin Auditorium. 8 PM.

WED 3/20 – DukeALERT Test at 10 AM

Test will focus on tornado safety.

WED 3/20 – “Best of Enemies” Film Screening and Panel Discussion

Taraji P. Henson stars in true story about the unlikely relationship between Ann Atwater, civil rights activist, and C.P. Ellis, local KKK leader, during the desegregation of schools in Durham in 1971. Panel with writer/director. Griffith Film Theater. 6 PM. Sold out, but you can catch it in theaters starting April 5.

FRI 3/22 – The 49%: Women’s Rights Film Festival Opens

Suhani Jalota (T’16), the CEO and co-founder of a charity that teaches women in India to make menstrual hygiene products, will give the keynote speech. Nasher Museum of Art. 7 PM – 10 PM.

Palooz: Thanks for necessary information.  Data acquired.

*Gary Bennett, Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education leaves*

*Larry Moneta slithers in*

Larry Moneta: Is this the classical studies department?

*end scene*

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